You want to write a book you can hawk on the open market for your dirty capitalists scumbag fiat currency? Then listen up BuckWheat, cause it’s going to end up at on a shelf at goodwill if you don’t get your shit together first. This is exactly how to do it, with no fluff, and no B.S.I've read the entire Wiki over on r/ selfpublish, and it’s 99% bad advice, with an occasional gold nugget mixed into the enormous amount of turds and sour eggs.The biggest missing piece of advice on that sub is the importance of direct response marketing.And, no, I’m not going to help you plan your book release. I write helpful articles like this because I have this unnatural fantasy of inspiring other great people to step out from the herds, and accomplish great things.I like good books, and I want one of you dirty filthy capitalist bastards to write more for me to read before I drop dead from being too rich.-Before any of you dingdongs start trying to hire me, I'm 100% booked for the year, and I enjoy having free-time to spend with my Cholos and Cronies. As much as I'd like to give each and every one of you beautiful little bastards a mouthful of personal advice, I just can't do it.I might not be your daddy, but I’ll be your reddit papa for the next 5 minutes. That’s all I can give you, so make the most out of it! And make papa proud!I've heard horror stories of people selling 50 books at conventions, spending 10 hours in a chair, and only walking away with $80 profit. You're better off blogging than working your ass off for minimum wage.Writing is the by far one of the most difficult things to do on the face of the earth. Almost no one can sit down for an hour and write a thousand words without feeling their soul get sucked out of their body.Here's my professional and candid advice:Get a mailing list. Buy one, rent one, or create one through online marketing.Send your mailing list a sales letter, and some kind of free little thing. Maybe a blurbs from your book in the form of a little flip-book, or pamphlet. Anything to get them interested and feeling guilty for receiving free merch. Print a tantalizing section of your novel on cheap printer paper, and make a little 2x2 book. Bind it with a staple. Take a look at the mini-comics that amateur artists make for conventions, and do likewise.Make the envelope feel like something weird is inside, so everyone that gets it will open it and see what's in the envelope, otherwise, your junk mail is going in the can. This is called using a "Grabber" to grab their attention. Get it? You’re biggest problem with direct response mailers is going to be the fact that almost all mail gets thrown away by the recipient, and they hardly ever even open it.BTW: don’t send bulk mail, or envelopes with advertising on the outside. Make it look like a standard letter, or make it look important. Don’t tell anyone what’s inside, and use a regular old address, not a P.O. Box (if possible)Go to a craft shop and pick up some vaguely related little object to throw in the mix. Throw a pair of dice in the envelope, a little figurine that's similar to your novel, a damn clothespin, anything!Bonus points if the grabber makes a little of sense and fits the novel. Just some kind of little doo-dad. Anything to make them open up your plan old white envelope. Maybe a little high-heel shoe for romance novels, or a little sword for fantasy fiction.Have the sales letter explain the book to the reader, tell them how much they'll like it, that they can get it for a super low price by going to the website/replying/calling and ordering directly from you, the only down side is that it'll take a few weeks.Boom. Charge a premium price, too. None of that $2.99 crap. Get the orders in, and then have the book printed yourself, shipped to you, then shipped to the customer. Charge $20-$50 for each copy. You'll sell fewer books, but you'll make an exponential amount of money with the few that sell.Less cost, more profit, no middleman.Let's do some basic math. Note: these aren't real world costs, just an example.If a book costs $5 to print and ship,and you charge $8,then you've essentially made $3. (minus taxes)Sell 50 copies, and you've made $150.Now let's say you take my advice, and you do direct response.Each letter costs you around $1.Send 1000 letters and your marketing cost is roughly $1000You'll get around 50 buyers with a good list.Each shipment costs $5 to print, and you make them pay for the additional shipping costs.Then, charge a semi premium price for the novel, let's say $30.You've spent $1250 ($1000 for your letters, $250 for printing)You've brought back $1500You've made $250But, That's not where the profit is, In fact it would be perfectly fine to break even or take a loss.Important: you do not print books ahead of time. You have a single test printing done, and then print exact number batches bi-weekly as new orders come in.Here's how you make the money:Everyone that bought a copy of the book immediately gets a second round of letters, urging them to purchase an additional book or merchandise from you. Send the book with another call to action as well, if possible, then send some type of promotion or contact every 3 weeks till the end of time, and the sun implodes in the fiery death of the universe.Sign your book, write a little note about how you took the time to sign it, and explain how you don't do that every day. Make them feel special.They place their order online, phone, or by mailYou immediately send a second letter, thanking them, letting them know their book is on the way, and making some kind of other offer to purchase from you. Another book/merchandise/anything.you order the printsyou sign and write a special note in each copy if possible, explaining how you like having the chance to do it, but you're always busy, so they get a special copy. Explain that if they really like the book, then they should get the next in the series or one of your other titles, maybe recommend a book you wrote under a pen name. Make them feel special, urge them to buy more. Hell, buy a burner phone and tell them to call you and tell you what they liked about the book. Leave it on voicemail, and never speak to a soul! That’s free market research right there!You ship the prints with another promotion, urging them to buy/pre-order the next copy with some type of promotion if possible. (yes, an extra promotion to go along with your signing/special message)You send another letter 3 weeks later, urging them to buy again. Do this until the end of time, until you are a stack of dry bones in a wet grave, plated in gold and covered in gemstones. Do you want to live forever?Those are your customers now, they belong to you.They aren't Amazon customers, They aren't Barns&Noble Customers.They are 100% all your customers, with nothing in between.Your next batch of letters to those proven buyers will have a much much higher percentage of conversions and sales.Getting 50 out of 1000 letters to buy is a 5% rate.You'll have closer to a 70% buy rate on return customers.That means, when you send letters to those exact same 50 again......(ideally immediately after the first purchase, and every 3 weeks till the end of time)....then 35 will always buy something.If you were pushing a second book in the series, now you've spent 50$ on letters, you've printed 35 books at $5 each. ( $175)and you have brought home $1050.That's 775$ profit. (minus the taxes that are leeched off of you)Pull this stunt ten times, and you're getting Nearly 8 grand on the second orders.(minus those damn blood sucking taxes!)-Not to mention the merchandise and further releases in the future.If you can get a " loyal cattle herd" of 2,000 people that will buy absolutely anything you try to sell them,then you're a modern day Mark Twain, Rowling, or R L Stine.2,000 return customers is the estimated "herd" size required to reach 7 figures according to leading direct response marketers.The real, glorious, nutt-busting thing for each and every one of you to do, is re-invest every single dime of profit into sending more letters and building your list bigger. You could end up on the best seller's list without a publisher or ISBN. It's like hacking the real world with an envelope glitch.Here's the absolute mad-lad butterball approach:Get an LLCPay someone to print your books according to the number of orders you get every two weeks.Make the buyer pay for shipping.100% money back guarantee on any book purchased. If you hated the book, then keep it, and we still give you the money back, because we know you're going to absolutely love it!Hit your list of buyers like a ton of bricks, Don't let them sleep, eat, piss, drink or make love without a mailman banging on their front door with a letter from you in their hand!send a letter as soon as they place an order, thanking them, and urging them to buy.Send a letter as soon as their order ships, thanking them again, and tell them about something you forgot to mention in the first letter, but you just couldn't wait to tell them about!Sign their book, make it special, tell them about other things that make you money that they should buy right now.Mail the book, include another promotion in the package with the book if possible.Every 21 days. You will send your adoring fans a letter, telling them what to buy, why to buy, and how to buy something else that they haven't already bought. You don't shut up, and the mailman kicks their door down every time they get a minute to themselves, until the day your filthy dark capitalist soul reaches out from your cold, magnificently adorned flesh, to greet eternity, and conquer the world to come.And above all else,Never stop writing,And leave me the hell alone! see hubwealthy.com/wealthy
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