I'm 23, I've worked at a job I hate for years. I'm ready to building my own clients, and I'm starting Cold Emailing and Calling today. Rate my Template? Where can I improve?

So I've worked as a Digital Marketer for a company I hate for about 3 years now. I have the knowledge and skills to do this on my own, and I'm ready to start my small business build my own clients. Sample Template below:Hey XXX,My name is Tyler, and I’m a Social Media Specialist and Digital Marketer with the company (My Company). I live in (Our Area), and I work with local businesses in and around our community in managing and growing their social media presence.Real Estate is a very visual industry, and potential clients decide on moving forward with a home from the listing alone. I take the need for graphic design, social media posting, and growing social media channels off the shoulders of Businesses and Agents, and they see a large increase in clients and leads thanks to the increased Social Media presence.I’ve put together a sample post for your XXXX listing here. I’m looking to take on one to two more clients this month, and I’d love the opportunity to speak with you regarding creating Social Media Content for your listings and boosting overall Followers and Engagement across your Social Channels. Please let me know if you’re available for a 15 minute Zoom of phone call, or if you’d prefer to discuss further via email.Thank you!https://ift.tt/37XG1Mr will only be sharing the updated template with the potential clients, just adding her current social listing here for context)Edit*** (Thinking about changing the last sentence in the second paragraph to "I take the need for graphic design, social media posting, and growing social media channels off the shoulders of Agents so they can focus on what they do best, selling homes. They then see a large increase in clients and leads thanks to the increased Social Media presence) see hubwealthy.com/wealthy